My Marriage Changing 'Nugget'

awareness personal relationships

Hello beautiful people,

Many years ago I was given a nugget of wisdom by an amazing woman and therapist named Carol. This beautiful nugget saved me from many years of disappointment.

The “nugget”

Carol told me, and this is the nugget, “There are no supposed to be’s”. 

She explained that all those story book expectations and storybook ideals I project onto my husband and he onto me, are a set up for failure and disappointment. 

Todd is not the unrealistic prince that always knows just what to say and how to say it. He’s not the prince that comes to my rescue and saves the day.


I’m not the wife and mom we see on TV nor the unrealistic movie princess that does all the things movie princesses do. 


Since Carol's nugget we’ve come a long way. 

I’m grateful for my work in all things communication and relationship skills. What I’ve learned I get to share with Todd and we get to apply it. It’s been a great opportunity for us to grow. 

The very skills I get to share in my work have helped us set aside our weird TV/Movie/radio “supposed to be’s”. Now we communicate our expectations and negotiate whether they align with who we are and what we’re OK with.

Some Other Things We Practice For Success

As Todd and I enter into the 3rd quarter of our lives and our marriage, here are five things we work toward:

  1. Daily check in: For us it’s after we get into bed.#download
  2. Weekly date nights: We love our date night! We are simple folk. Usually dinner and a movie. With COVID we did the same only from home. Currently we are committed to spicing it up with each taking one date night a month to do something out of our comfort zone! Bowling, concert, cards, making a new recipe together. #spiceitup
  3. Meditation: We are very mindful of the energy we bring to each other. Practicing meditation helps us manage how we show up. Sometimes we meditate together but most often it's on our own time. Taking the time to remember who we are and be grateful for all that we have keeps our cups full so we’re our best selves for each other and our family and in our work life. #rememberwhoyouare
  4. Speak to your spouse like you’re dating. This is my favorite and the most important one, kindness.  “Kindness is the light that dissolves all walls between souls, families and nations” P.W. #thinkbeforeyouspeak

For us, understanding there are no “supposed to be’s” set us free to create the relationship we want and to take responsibility for the success of our relationship. 

There have been many challenges and times that felt, to be honest, terribly lonely.  Thankfully, we are hard headed and determined. 

32 years later, we like each other more often than we don’t and we have a desire to always be learning how we can love each other better. 

Together, we have an amazing life and love each other more than when we started.

I’d say we’re crazy successful! 

Until next time,